How to Become a More Empathetic Leader
by Heather Wolfson, CEO & Lead Strategist, Maven Coaching & Consulting
Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash
The days of scaling the corporate ladder through the aggressive “always be closing” lens of leadership idolized in moves like “The Wolf of Wall Street” are a thing of the past.
Today’s highest-performing and happiest leaders view their team dynamics from the viewpoint of “always be connecting.” Today, people want authentic relationships and a leader who can empathize with them on multiple fronts.
Practicing empathy in business benefits your team, your company, and your career. Increased trust among team members, more robust team dynamics, and increased influence are benefits of adopting an empathetic leadership style.
Empathetic leaders are an asset to people and organizations. In the article below, learn how to become a more empathetic leader and find examples of what an empathetic leader would never say to their team (and what they would do instead).
What is Empathetic Leadership?
Empathetic leadership is a style of leadership that focuses on identifying with others and understanding their point of view. Empathetic leaders take a genuine interest in the people around them – what makes them tick, what inspires them, and how they feel.
Many of us know the lyric, "You've got to know when to hold 'em; Know when to fold 'em." The Gambler is onto something empathetic leaders already know. Being an empathetic leader means knowing when to step up and guide and when to step back to allow your team to grow — and I am talking about more than delegation here.
Stepping back empowers team members to step up and own their contributions. Knowing when to step back is a hallmark of authentic leadership. So is knowing when it's time to step in and guide the team to meet larger goals and stay on track.
Can Empathy be Learned as a Leader?
I cringe at the concept that empathetic leaders are born, not made. We all have natural strengths and weaknesses — some that make it easier to fill the "traditional" definition of what a leader looks like in organizations.
The truth is, we all can be empathetic leaders in our workplaces, and here’s how:
4 Ways to Become An Empathetic Leader
To influence your team, you must roll up your sleeves and lead by example. No one likes to be told what do you by someone who has never walked the path. A new article in Forbes speaks to this point. "Empathy has always been a critical skill for leaders, but it is taking on a new level of meaning and priority."Empathy can drive significant business results. So, in addition to leading by example, here are four more ways to become a more empathetic leader.
1. Define Your Core Values: Values, and for that matter, goals that are set as an expression of purpose, allow us to live in alignment.
Leading from a place of value also allows you to connect more powerfully with others. Your purpose is the deeper meaning that allows you to acknowledge when you are in or out of alignment.
Individuals who successfully have a professional and personal life that is in harmony have one thing in common: The ability to lead from a solid internal foundation. I call it a purpose statement.
For example, mine is to leave a legacy of empowerment and empathetic leadership through my work and instill those values in my children. My purpose doesn’t change if I’m at a soccer tournament or in a boardroom with my colleagues— and that keeps everything in check.
Ask yourself: What are my values, and what is my purpose statement?
2. Be Open & Transparent to Build Trust: It takes bravery to lead with vulnerability. Authenticity, authentic, real, genuine. All these words have been paired with empathetic leadership.
But how does that play out in real life? Empathic leadership, for me, is: Showing vulnerability, having integrity, and leading with transparency and consistency.
3. Discover the Why Behind your Intrinsic Motivation & Internal Drive: Awareness of how you feel, and you understand how your emotions and your actions can affect the people around you.
Ask yourself: What motivates you toward goals and high standards? Then, communicate that with your team.
4. Build Connections to Your Work & Your Team: Active listening is critical for every leader, especially if you are honing in on your empathetic leadership skillset. Listen with your ears, eyes, and heart.
It's not enough just to hear what your team members are saying; you have to be physically and mentally present to understand where they're coming from. To do this, you'll have to listen actively (instead of planning your response in your head), use body language that shows you're engaged (like leaning in slightly or nodding your head), and ask follow-up questions to clarify further what the other person is saying.
5 Things Empathic Leaders Never Say to Their Team
“It’s Not Personal; It’s Just Business”
Passe phrases like these convey that emotion has no place in the workplace.
Old school corporate culture emphasized hard skills and a tough exterior. As time has passed, other relational skills, especially emotional intelligence (EQ), are the top predictors of professional and personal performance in the modern office climate.
Savvy leaders read the room and guide their team from a place of respect and empathy.
“Be a Team Player”
Is being a "team player" toxic? Being a team player is one of the most valuable qualities you can bring to the table. But the term has been hijacked and morphed into a phrase with a toxic undertone that subtly suggests you're not doing enough even when you're going above and beyond. It feeds off of guilt.
Every job has fires that require a lot from you and your team. Sometimes you can step up to the plate. If those tasks become too stressful, you can say no at work without fear of being marked as a team player. Encourage your team to come to you when this happens.
“I’ll Do It Myself!”
As leaders, we can find ourselves in stressful situations. But saying something like "I'll just do it myself" doesn't instill confidence in your team.
One of the most important leadership skills is empowering others to step into their power.
Delegate. Share tasks. Show people they are capable and that you are there to support them.
“Failure Is Not An Option”
Failure is an option. And a good one at that!
Failing means you’re trying. If you learn from your failures, then you have more information for the next time.
Let’s say we retire the phrase "failure is not an option” and encourage ourselves and our teams to try new things in the office and everyday life.
“I Don’t Care, Just Get It Done.”
Do you really not care? At all? I bet you do care on some level.
Sometimes frustrations or workplace overwhelm can make us want to tick a task off the list the fastest way possible. When an old boss said to me, “I don’t care, just do it.” I felt completely dismissed.
Empathic leaders avoid dismissive phrases like these.
3 Empathic Leadership Quotes to Inspire Your Journey
You’ve likely heard, “a leader is not the same as a boss.” And it is true; authentic leadership is the ability to guide and inspire, and I think of it as bringing out the best in others. Empathy and leading by example to create a lasting impact are how I define my leadership style.
Have you ever considered what your definition of leadership is? Here are three empathetic leadership quotes to inspire you:
“If your actions create a legacy that inspires others to dream more, learn more, do more, and become more, then, you are an excellent leader.” - Dolly Parton
"A good objective of leadership is to help those who are doing poorly to do well and to help those who are doing well to do even better." - Jim Rohn
“Great leaders do not desire to lead but to serve.” - Myles Munroe
Takeaway
Empathetic leaders can quickly gauge the needs and emotions of others and adapt to any situation – a skill especially vital to crisis leadership.
Tony Robbins says, “Stay committed to your decisions, but stay flexible in your approach.”
Empathetic leaders excel at this. They are clear and committed to their core values and purpose yet genuinely value the opinions of others and incorporate them into their decision-making process.
Empathic leaders shape the organizations of tomorrow through building cultures of innovation and creativity, where all ideas are considered, and every team member knows they have something valuable to contribute.
Do you want to hone in on an empathetic approach to leading your team? Book a free 20-minute session to learn how to evolve your leadership style.
