How to Say No At Work: A Guide To Workplace Boundaries
by Heather Wolfson, CEO & Lead Strategist, Maven Coaching & Consulting
Photo by Nick Fewings on Unsplash
Saying no at work can feel like you’re fighting a losing battle.
On the one hand, you have way too much on your plate. Then the nagging thoughts start swirling.
Will my boss think I am lazy if I say no? Am I missing out on an opportunity if I decline?
You are not alone if these internal debates sound eerily familiar when your boss or coworker presents you with a new project.
In a survey by SimplyHired, 26% of employees admitted to saying, “Yes, I can take more work,” even though it was a lie.
Why Is It Hard To Say No At Work
The truth is that saying yes comes much easier than saying no to most people — especially when our most genuine intention is to show up well as a leader in all areas of our lives.
Most people find it difficult to say “no” because they feel guilty for not helping and like they are not being a team player. Fear of conflict, people-pleasing, and inability to communicate boundaries all factor into having a hard time saying no at work.
It’s especially true for passionate professionals. The more deeply invested you are in your career, the greater the risk you’ll suffer from burnout due to failing to say no at work.
High achievers tend to believe that saying no to a single task means career opportunities wouldn’t present themselves again.
The Harvard Business Review recently noted: “Passionate employees are more likely to get asked to do unpaid work, work on the weekends, and handle unrelated and demeaning tasks that are not a part of their roles.”
This plays out in real life by answering emails on weekends, feeling guilty about taking a vacation, or staying late to finish a project more often than you leave on time.
Failure to set and communicate workplace boundaries is a recipe for burnout and resentment toward your employer — Hello, toxic workplace environment!
How To Say No At Work — Without Feeling Guilty
Wanting to say no at work often leads to inner conflict when you know you can add value and offer support. And, yet, it’s ok to say no graciously, set your boundaries, and protect your time.
Here are three proven tips for saying no at work and establishing professional boundaries.
Define Your Boundaries
They say good boundaries make good neighbors. Good boundaries at work set realistic expectations.
This quote from Shane Snow, the author of Dream Teams, sums it up nicely:
"At work, having healthy boundaries means taking responsibility for your own work and results—and working in a way that helps others to solve their own problems, instead of taking responsibility for them yourself."
So if your default response at the office is "no problem, I've got it," you may have a problem with workplace boundaries — and it's statically unlikely the situation will improve without a conversation.
If you're already stressed with what's on your plate, and you automatically say yes to another project, you're setting an undesirable expectation of yourself.
A tactful no, with a caveat about when you can help (for example, not 8 p.m. on Sunday but first thing after coffee on Monday morning), is more than reasonable. Expressing if your answer is a no forever versus what is a no, for now, can help you communicate your boundaries as well.
These responses convey your commitment and responsibility to the job you've been hired to do. It's a way to ask for compromises, different solutions, or newly defined priorities.
Reflect on these questions to help you establish your professional boundaries:
Do you answer work emails outside of office hours?
How often are you willing to take on extra tasks outside your job description?
Will you use digital messenger apps (like Microsoft Teams or Slack) on your phone?
Take Time Before You Respond
It may seem like answering your colleagues’ calls, emails, and texts immediately will help your career, but think again.
Assess the request. Take time before responding with your boundaries in mind.
"Think about what's on your plate, whether priorities can be shuffled, or whether a colleague could step in to assist you [on your other projects]," says Karen Dillon, coauthor of How Will You Measure Your Life? "Is this a small thing that won't take too long? Or is it a longer-term project? And how important is it?"
Sometimes taking a step back to reflect is the simplest way to prevent over-committing.
Reflect on these questions before you say yes to another project:
Do I have time to perform this task well?
Will this help or hinder my overall goals?
What is the purpose of saying yes?
The ability to buy yourself some extra time can be helpful in situations where you're put on the spot and don't feel comfortable saying "no" immediately.
It's not now or never in most cases — even though it can feel like the pressure is on to decide!
If you need more time to consider an offer, it's OK to ask for it. However, don't drag out the process indefinitely if you know your answer is "no." Waiting prolongs the stressful situation and wastes the other person's time.
Again, make sure that your decision to say yes wouldn't ultimately lead to resentment.
Don’t Provide an Explanation, But Offer an Alternative
You don’t have to explain your decision-making process. A simple “my schedule is jammed packed this week” will do the trick in most instances.
Read the room. If you’re declining a task that fits well within your job description, tell your employer why taking on the assignment is not an option at the moment.
In this situation, stay firm in your boundaries while working toward a long-term solution. For example, if you see an alternative solution, it would be helpful to share it.
On the other hand, if the task you declined was outside your job description or a request from a colleague, saying “I don’t have any extra time this week” is perfectly acceptable.
Saying no at work can be uncomfortable but saying yes to everything is a recipe for burnout.
Do you want to set healthy professional boundaries? Book a free 20-minute session to learn how to evolve your leadership style.
